First, we want to take a moment to congratulate you on your desire to become a surrogate. This is not always the easiest choice to make, and it’s certainly not right for everyone. Just by being willing to help another human in such an intimate way − that makes you a special person in our eyes. We’re happy you’re here.
Now, let’s get to the matter at hand. Spousal support is a major component of surrogacy. This is a long-term process that will impact more than just your day to day life. Your entire family will be impacted, and that’s just the truth.
From doctor ordered sexual abstinence, to medical treatments, pregnancy, and the (albeit rare) possibility for complications, surrogacy is very much a “team sport.” For this reason, Family Inceptions requires that your significant other be onboard and in support of your choice. For us, this is a non-negotiable requirement.
We’re not in the business of talking your significant other into something that they don’t really believe in. However, we are in the business of helping to inform and empower our surrogates and their families so that they can make the best choices possible for themselves.
Most times, we find that an open conversation about what surrogacy is (and what it is not) can bring a husband from non-supportive to supportive. Many men worry about their wife’s mental and emotional well-being during this process. They worry that you will become attached to the child that you carry and will be emotionally troubled after the birth.
Since the child that you carry will have no biological relationship to you or your significant other, it is rare that you will develop a maternal connection with the child. Explaining to your significant other that you see yourself as a helper, not as a mother, to this child can help him/her begin to understand your motivations.
Other common concerns come from an under education on the surrogacy and IVF processes. Some significant others still believe that you will be asked to have sexual intercourse with another man in order for this process to happen. Educating your partner that the embryo will be created from the egg of another woman can go a long way in establishing clear boundaries.
There are many other reasons that your significant other may initially be unsupportive. We encourage you to have an open, honest, and unemotional conversation with your significant other in order to discover his/her true reasons for being unsupportive. Once you have the root of the issue, we can help empower you with the proper information to address your significant other’s concerns.
You may be interested in sharing the perspective of a surrogate’s husband. Here are two recent blog posts written by men who have been in the same position as your husband: A Surrogate Husband’s Point of View on Surrogacy – Chris’s Blog and A Surrogate Husband’s Point of View on Surrogacy – Joe’s Blog.
We are also happy to speak with your significant other one-on-one to address any concerns. In addition, we have a few husbands of former surrogates who are also happy to speak with the husbands of prospective surrogates, on a man-to-man level.
We’re excited that you want to be a surrogate, and we hope that we’re able to work together to realize your dream – but it takes a family to build a family, and we need to have everyone on board.