Kellee Stewart
But I was here and I was accepting it. And when the doctor told me you’re a good candidate to freeze your eggs, I was 37 years old. I did not pause.
Intro
Whoever thought making a baby could be so hard? Luckily, the fertility journey isn’t meant to be traveled alone. Eloise Drane has helped hundreds of people build and grow their families over the last 15 years, and she’s ready to share insider knowledge and expertise with you. So grab a seat and let’s talk fertility and alternative family building in the fertility cafe.
Eloise Drane
Welcome to fertility cafe, a one-of-a-kind podcast about all things fertility and modern family building. I’m your host Eloise Drane. Today, we’re talking about proactive fertility, egg freezing, and the importance of checking your fertility status. I’m speaking with actress and writer Kellee Stewart. Kellee and I will also be discussing the unknowns and the remaining challenges to a fully claimed proactive family-building experience. With the advent of egg freezing and more widely available modern fertility testing, women may now take a more proactive approach to their fertility. Kellee Stewart is a writer, producer, and actress last seen in Cherish The Day and just wrapped up her recurring roles in CWS hit show all American and Netflix on my block. Kellee wrote and sold her screenplay 29 Eggs based on her personal fertility journey to a major television network. The project is currently in the last stages of development, and though COVID pause this production, it did not stop Kellee from hitting the podcast in hosting rounds as a self-proclaimed egg advocate where she continues to promote proactive fertility, health, and knowledge. Kellee is the creator and host of warrior Wednesday’s IG live fertility talk show featuring the truthful and empowering stories of infertility tools from a black woman’s perspective. She’s also working on other fertility projects coming soon. Welcome Kellee, I am very happy to have you join me today. Although I shared a very quick summary of your bio, I would love for you to share a bit more about yourself.
Kellee Stewart
Oh well. I am originally from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, born and raised. So I’m a Philly John, as we call it out there as Philly John and then I went to school at SUNY Purchase, which is the State University of New York for acting and I never went back to Philadelphia, I lived in New York for 10 years or so. I actually became a modeling agent while I was pursuing my acting career because I wanted to be within the industry. I’m one of those people that’s not a very good waitress, and I have no problem admitting the fact but I think that you know, I’ve always been a person that understood there was no plan B for me. That I was going to have to figure out how to make it work. And so I lived in New York for 10 years before moving out to Los Angeles where I was blessed to book my very first film a Sony Pictures movie called Guess who would Bernie Mac and play his daughter and from then on the career continued to be something I fought for, something I was blessed by, the ups and the downs and I’m still in it. I’m still here.
Eloise Drane
Yeah, thank God. Yes, praise Him.
Kellee Stewart
All-day. Oh, hey, without Him none of this is possible.
Eloise Drane
So now, tell me about how you went from okay, you’re an actress and now an advocate for proactive fertility, like two completely different worlds. So kind of go into how all of that came about.
Kellee Stewart
Well, you know, it’s funny. They say if you want to make God laugh, then make a plan. Hello, and hello, all the way. To say that because going into this world of fertility advocacy and black women’s health advocacy was never on my radar. It was never on my list of things to do. And it wasn’t on the list of my personal things to do to learn about my own fertility health and my own reproductive health. I had no idea I was the person that was going to cross that fertility bridge when I got to it. And so what happened was, I was in a seven-year relationship, and very much so thought I was in love. You know how that goes when you’re in the relationship that you think is the one and then it turns out not to be but basically what happened was after year two, kind of knew that this thing was not the right thing for me, but I was scared. And I’m just gonna go ahead and admit it. I was, you know, a young black woman in her 30s that did not want to be single, especially in Los Angeles with all of the pretty girls walking around and all of the, you know, all of the temptations.
And so I continue to stick it out much to God looking down on me saying, girl, you know, I’m not blessing this. So you can stay here, but there’s no fruit here. There’s no, I didn’t plant this seed, you did this. And so when I finally got the courage, which is really what it is to admit to myself that I was not moving forward in the right direction with this person, I left the relationship. And the most interesting thing happened when he left for the last time he closed the door. And all of a sudden, I heard in my spirit, you know, I’m a praying woman, and I heard in my spirit, God say, go freeze your eggs. And I had thought about it before, years before, but I never was affirmed in it. But when he shut the door, and all of a sudden I was alone, I could hear the Holy Spirit say, okay, great, now I can get to work in you. And so I said, Okay, God, well, if this is you, you know, then it will flow because I believe where God is, blessings flow. We happen to have that break-up on a Sunday.
And so that Monday morning, I called my doctor for a referral to a fertility clinic. And I’m like, Alright, God, if this is you, you know, you’ll, you’ll make this thing easy for me, or you’ll make it make sense for me. And I called them. They said, well, we bring you in for an evaluation, but you have to be on your cycle. And I said, I happened to be on my cycle. So they asked me what day and I told them and they said, Okay, can you come in on Tuesday? And I said, Oh, okay, I made this deal with God. So the next thing I know, a couple of days after that breakup, I was in a fertility clinic with a fertility doctor in the gap of my thighs, doing the ultrasound, taking the blood test, looking at my future on a screen. And not only did the tears well up in my eyes, because I was here and this was not my idea of my start to motherhood, being single, alone, afraid with a fertility doctor, inside of my body. It was not what I prayed about, it was not what I thought it would happen to me. But I was here and I was accepting it. And when the doctor told me, you’re a good candidate to freeze your eggs, I was 37 years old, I did not pause. Because I knew God and I had that conversation and I said, Okay, let’s do it. So I froze 29 eggs, I flew my mom out here to LA, and she did it with me. And the advocacy came, because even though I was blessed, very blessed because especially at that age, it’s not normal to get that amount of eggs.
So I want to be clear about that for anybody that’s listening. The sooner you do this, the better if this is what you want to do. And that’s a personal, financial, emotional, spiritual decision. But years went by after I froze my eggs, and the relationship of my dream still didn’t show up. And so I had a panic attack like every black girl does, or every female does every person with ovaries does. I had a little panic attack, I could admit to it. And I was like, well, when you buy eggs at the grocery store, there’s a sell-by date. So is there a fertilized-by date for these frozen eggs? I was like, girl, did I miss the party? I didn’t know. And, um, you know, I really always wanted to be a mother. And so I called crying and panicking to the fertility clinic years later, and they said, they explained the science to me, and you’re fine, and you have time and all those things. That’s why you did this. But don’t worry, a lot of women call her panicking. And once I heard a lot of women call here panicking, there was something about that, that said in my soul in the wrong way, why are women brought to panic mode before they learn about their fertility, their AMH, their FSH, and the options that they have? Why do we have to panic before we get the knowledge and the resources that we deserve to do in a calm, clear state? And that’s what started the advocacy for me.
Eloise Drane
Well, let’s go back real quick because you broke up on Sunday and Monday, you were calling to get information about freezing your eggs, but had you known about freezing eggs? Like where did that come from? Had you heard about it before? Because often, a lot of people don’t even know that it’s even an option.
Kellee Stewart
Yes, I know. And, I did know about it. I had like I said I had thought about it before, but I wasn’t affirmed in it. So when I did think about it, I did my research online. I just looked into what is this thing? What does freezing eggs really mean? And I had just done some very basic digging into what that world was but I wasn’t really taking it seriously, it was just kind of like this, this thing that was the seed God planted. That was the seed that he was really planting: is to learn more about this. But it wasn’t until I was 37 years old that when that door slammed that I was like, it’s a now or never moment. But yes, I had thought about it. But I was not properly educated about all of the hormone tests that I could have been doing at any age, at any time in my life. And what I really wasn’t educated about and this is really important, is that, as I said, earlier, I knew year two of that relationship, that this was not the person that God was blessing me with the rest of my life. But I stuck it out for five more years. What I wasn’t educated about was that I was giving away my best baby-making years to the wrong relationship. I did not understand that women were born with as many eggs as we’re ever going to have, that we do not make more. I did not understand the dietary or environmental factors that change the quality of my eggs. I thought I’m putting in the time and maybe we’ll go to therapy, we’ll work it out. Girl, if somebody has said, you know, these are your best baby-making years and you know, you’re giving away your biology here, not just your heart, not just your time, not just your support of him. Your biology is diminishing, every day, you stay here where you know you don’t belong. That was the biggest lesson that I learned.
Eloise Drane
And you know, and this goes back to and one of the reasons why I wanted to actually do this episode, because I more than I can even count really, every time I have a conversation or should I say almost every time I have a conversation with somebody, and they’re dealing with infertility, or they’re going through their struggles, I almost always hear, I didn’t know. I didn’t know that you know, I should have been checking on my AMH or my FSH or my LH. I didn’t know that when I went to my gynecologist and I was having my routine pap every year, or now they’re changing it because insurance doesn’t want to pay quite frankly, every two years or three years, or whatever they do now that I should have been asking these questions. And that quite frankly, doctors should be more proactive in helping to educate these women when they go to the appointment.
And if we’re really going to break it down even further, let’s go back to high school and middle school where they’re now educating about sex education. Well, why don’t we add reproduction education to that first, so that people know you know what, honey, if you’re 14 years old, and you’re bleeding for 15 days at a time, and sorry to be so graphic, but you’re, you know, changing your sanitary napkins quite often, that is actually a problem and it’s not normal and you need to go and check that out. And I wish that educators that are saying that they’re stepping up and raising their hand and saying that they’re willing to help educate our children about reproduction. And I’m not just blaming educators here, this is also on parents themselves. But how can you educate if you don’t even know yourself? Right? So how is it possible that we can educate on all of this other stuff, but when it comes to reproduction, especially when it comes to women, they don’t want to talk about that in school? And no one is really telling you about the overall report, they tell you about how you know, sex is going to cause pregnancy and how you shouldn’t get pregnant when you’re out of wedlock. And you shouldn’t be doing this, that or the other and all of these things, but no one is giving you the breakdown of reproduction. And I feel like everybody in society is doing everybody a disservice, women specifically, from teenage on to adulthood doing us a disservice. And so I’m curious did when you were going no one getting your annual visits or whatever, was it ever discussed with your doctors?
Kellee Stewart
Never. Never. I’m going to be quite frank, it was the regular pap smear. Would you like to be screened for HIV, for sexually transmitted diseases? And Okay, all done. Let me do a quick hand test. Check your ovaries. Yep, they’re still in there. Okay, see you next year. And that was it. And the reality is, I didn’t even know that there were questions that I needed or should be asking. I didn’t know that there were questions that my physician should have been asking me. Like, do you have regular periods, are you skipping any periods, are your periods very, very painful, like what you were describing earlier? If you’re bleeding for 15 days and changing sanitary napkins 15 times a day, that is a huge indication of fibroids, that is a huge indication of something else going on in your reproductive health. I remember my best friend, around the corner, we went to school together almost every other month, she stayed home from school. And this is when we were in middle school, you know, so we’re 12, 11 years old, she stayed home from school for three or four days because she had her period and her periods were very, very painful. And she bled a lot. And so that was the thing that would keep her home from school. And I did not know that she could have something called fibroids. We were just under the impression, oh, she has really bad periods. And what the problem is, is that we normalize heavy periods, painful menstrual cycles. One of the things that we are not taught is that your menstrual cycle is a vital sign. Just like taking your oxygen level, just like taking your heart rate, it is a vital sign. So your menstrual cycle will tell you whether or not there is an underlying condition that you need to be aware of. Are we taught that? No. we have to hold our educators and our health classes responsible.
We need to also debunk the myths that are going on in America, going on across the world but also going on in our own families. Because the reality is because so many of us suffer in silence, Mom’s, aunties, older cousins are usually not telling their younger nieces, daughters, younger cousins or even their fathers or anything like that, that hey, I had fibroids so you might need to look out for that because I’ve had two myomectomies and you’re a growing girl and let me tell you what the signs are. Or I’ve just recently been diagnosed with PCOS or I had a hysterectomy. And it was unnecessary. Let me tell you my story. We don’t debunk the myths in our own homes, even the myth that black women are fertile, which goes all the way back. Enslaved Africans and J. Marion Sims, who this country deems the father of gynecology doing experiments on enslaved African women without anesthesia, and that black women were thought of as breeders because they are breeding more people to be enslaved. And therefore this myth has trickled down into us that Oh girl, black women have babies all the time you fine. So when something does not work, we are automatically shamed into silence about it because I’m supposed to be able to have a baby, I’m black. That’s what we do. No, no.
So all of this and what I will say is things like what you are doing Eloise is so important. Having this podcast, utilizing your platform, utilizing social media, utilizing all of the ways that we can get these messages out. There are so many amazing black fertility advocates and health advocates like Regina Townsend that has the broken brown egg, Michelle Polston has her normal, Shaquita Lockley that has the Eggs Over Easy film that will be debuting on OWN I happen to be in that there’s so many of us. And I think one of the things that we have to do now it’s almost like we shouldn’t have to do it. It should be given to us. That’s right. But we are here living in this day and time. And while we fix the problem, let’s just go ahead and educate ourselves because we cannot stay ignorant because someone isn’t serving it to us right. If you’re hungry for information, you got to eat, go find it. And so we are out here and we are trying to get to the masses and we are working hard and it is working. And so now in this day and age where you can literally Google or go to an Instagram Live and hear from doctors, go to Clubhouse you know I work with Dr. Cindy M. Duke that I know that you know and are familiar with of the Nevada Fertility Institute and she graciously has spoken with me on warrior Wednesdays but has a podcast form on Clubhouse every Saturday called my dynamic uterus, where you can listen to a board of gynecologist and fertility specialists talk about reproductive health, your uterus, your period, and she does this every week. So there are people out there that understand the problem that you described so perfectly, and that is doing everything to combat it. There’s so much more to be done. But we have to start in schools, we have to start in our own homes and families. And we have to debunk these myths that have been brought to us. And we have to open our mouths and stop suffering in silence.
Eloise Drane
Absolutely. I wholeheartedly agree. And, you know, and as a mother myself, you know, I mean, luckily for me, I started in this industry, my god, 21 years ago. So, when my children were still young, I already was in this world, if you will, and learning. And so once my daughter got to a certain age, you know, I was able to have those conversations with her and able to educate her, but not just educate her, I also educated my son. Yes, because my thing is, one day, you will have a partner that could potentially have a problem. And you also need to be aware, this is not only on the women, but this is also on the men too.
And it goes both ways. Because here’s the funny thing, just yesterday, I was watching a show and a commercial came on, and it was a commercial about erectile dysfunction. And the gentleman was on there saying we can help you. And we, you know, you can call the doctor and you can get your insurance to cover the cost. And I turn around to my husband’s like, it’s quite funny that when it’s men, you guys have commercials, there are all kinds of help for you that you could just, you know, go in, it’s no problem you can get into, you can get an appointment, and you can get your medication, and you know, you can order medication. But when it comes to women, oh, it’s a whole different story. I mean, egg freezing, and we can definitely talk about that process quickly. But in the cost of having to take on doing egg freezing, because you know, I’m in my 30s, I’m not in a relationship, I’m not ready for a relationship. I’m not ready for children right now. But I know that eventually, I may want one, a child or two or three or four or whatever it is that you decide that you want. But if you don’t have 15 to $25,000 right now, sorry, you may be 40 something years old, and then trying to now backtrack, because you weren’t aware of looking into this information. And then when you finally found it, then you weren’t prepared for somebody 15 to $25,000 for egg freezing, and insurance won’t cover anything.
Kellee Stewart
And some are now and I think one of the things that we need to do is empower people to ask their employers, do you have fertility coverage? Because there are some employers that actually do but if you don’t ask, and if you don’t, and then if they say no, ask them, well, why not? And not just facility coverage, preservation, preservation coverage, and we need to start making it a thing, a big thing and ask them, why not? There are wonderful foundations like the Cade foundation and things like that they give away grants, and there are certain places that that programs in insurance that do help with preservation, but what one of the things that I will say because the cost is a major factor as to the reason why people don’t do this. And like I said, and as you said earlier, we have to hold men accountable because male factor infertility is a big thing, and they don’t what we don’t talk about is the fact that for a man to get screened for infertility, it’s $150. For him to do what he has to do in a cup, which should be the first thing that happens when a person with sperm and a person with ovaries are trying to conceive together and it’s not working. He needs to be tested first.
I’ve known women that have gone through a battery of very uncomfortable, very expensive tests, only to find out that it was their partner that had infertility because 1/3 of infertility cases between someone with sperm and someone with ovaries, 1/3 is female factor fertility 1/3 is male factor infertility, and then there’s unknown infertility, so they’re right there with us just don’t know about it. But in terms of the cost as well, the thing that I was really proud of is that my brother called me I do a show called warrior Wednesdays online about every other Wednesday or so talking about PCOS, endometriosis, egg freezing, all of those things is that he called me my brother called one day he has a 12-year-old daughter and said, I’m going to put away a fund for Kira in case one day she wants to do this. As her father, it’s my responsibility to set her up for success. And if she wants to travel, if she wants to get an education, if she wants to hang out with her friends, I don’t want her to feel forced. If she’s not ready, if she doesn’t find the right relationship, if she decides I don’t want a relationship I want to do by myself or I don’t want to be with somebody with sperm, you know, if she whatever she decides, my brother wanted her to have the option of funding for this until you know, she’s ready to make that choice on her own.
But the other thing that I say to this as well as asking your employer and educating your family members putting away that money as you would for college is and I tell women this all the time, how many baby showers do you go to a year? And usually, a woman will say, oh, about two or three, oh, I have a friend pregnant now. And you think about the cost of buying a $150 gift and all of those things and going to the first birthday party. And I always tell them, throw yourself an egg shower. Throw yourself an egg shower. And when I first said it, people say, oh my god, that’s a great idea. But who would come? People that love you. The same people that invite you to a baby shower, just because you have not found the partner, just because you want education first, just because your career is taking a priority in your life right now does not mean that your life choices should not be celebrated and supported, just like someone that is being celebrated and supported when they’re eight months pregnant. We have to have egg showers, IVF showers, what about the women and men that are going through their fourth, fifth, six rounds of IVF. Shouldn’t they and don’t they deserve all of the love and support and party favors and cucumber sandwiches to say you got this the same way we do? Adoption, showers, foster care showers, just because I haven’t met the right guy, my choice to be a mom then don’t get celebrated or supported by the people that I love. And that love me. No, we have to normalize all of the ways that we create families—all of the ways, and they deserve to be celebrated. So go make yourself an invitation and a banner, get some balloons and register at PayPal or venmo.com and tell everybody you’re gonna freeze your eggs and this is the shower.
Eloise Drane
And to add to your point. Let’s also remember because I know it was when I was growing up, I did a weekend with my daughter and my and my other kids is you know, get your education, go get you, you know, a career. Whatever you’re going to do, get yourself established. Get settled first before you start taking on the responsibility of having children and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So as a society, we’re pushing people to do it later and later in life. But then as a society, now we’re saying, well, you waited too long. So you know, that was your fault for waiting too long. So now you need to figure out how you’re going to do it. And you know, you need to come up with the money for whatever you need to come up with. And it’s like, it isn’t that ass-backward, completely.
It’s all backward. And again, as a mother, I’m saying I did the same thing. And but now that I know better, I am having those conversations with my daughters and telling them hey, um, the next time you go to your gynecologist, you need to ask them to check your AMH level, you need to ask them to check your you know, your other levels or whatever. It’s not just going in and having a pap smear and saying okay, you’re good to go. And then you’re done. Because that’s not how it actually works. It needs to be more than that. It needs to be where insurance, like they have the prevention visits, go ahead and get all of your prevention visits out of the way every single year. It’s already covered. It’s already included in your insurance. Well, you know what, AMH, LH, and FSH should be in there too.
Eloise Drane
Absolutely. 150% it absolutely should. Absolutely should.
Eloise Drane
Okay, so let’s just talk real quick about when you did your egg freezing. I’m curious if you would share the process of what you went through. Because I think for a lot of people when you start talking about egg freezing, they’re still very unknown as to what that process is like.
Kellee Stewart
Mm-hmm. Well, I went in for basically a fertility diagnostic test to see if I was a candidate and that’s all the things that you named your AMH, your FSH, which is a blood test y’all to get yourself tested for. And then the ultrasound when I’m on my cycle so that I could see the actual follicles or so the doctor could see the follicles that were coming up for the next cycle. And all this, I’m learning in real-time, and I’m able to actually see them on the screen, count them and go, Oh, okay, so that gave him an indication your AMH is good and we’re at a good place to do that. So the next thing was learning about all of the different medications, the menopause, and all of that, and the doctor will customize it to the levels that you’re at. So there are hormone shots that you have to give yourself in your abdomen for about 10 to 14 days, that is different in those there’s a cost for that’s different than the actual procedural costs. So even there are different grants out there that help women pay for the money for the preservation medication. And by the way, just to mention, this is basically the first step of IVF, if I didn’t have sperm that was going to be fertilizing these eggs, but freezing your eggs is basically the first step of IVF. And you’re going to put them away and you are freezing your potential fertility, the younger you do it, the better.
And so for me, once I made that decision, and it was pretty quickly, you know how you get advertisements for credit cards if you have decent credit, so I started to collect them that were coming in the mail. And then I called all of them that were offering me a new credit card, and the one that had the biggest limit is the one I signed up for. And I put the entire egg freezing process on that. So that was how I did it because my insurance did not have coverage for preservation for my fertility. So I said, Okay, this is what’s gonna happen. And I just paid that sucker off when I pay that sucker off. So for me, I needed a buddy to help me do this. And I chose my mother because number one, she’s the light of my life but number two, this is hard on your body. And it’s hard on your emotions, and it’s hard on your mind. And I would encourage anyone that chooses to do this. And like I say, I’m not advocating for everybody to go freeze their eggs, I’m advocating for you to know your reproductive health and what your levels are. And to find out where your fertility stands. That’s what I normally and always want to put out there. But I needed a buddy. So if somebody does this, and you need a buddy. Get a friend. Make it fun.
I was on a diet once, well, once out of 50 times. And I was you and everybody else, okay, everybody else and I was having lunch with a friend and I really wanted this brownie sundae thing. And I said, Girl, I want this so bad, but it’s going to be another four days on the treadmill. It’s gonna be another such and such. And I ordered it and I’m complaining the whole time before it gets to the table. She said, can you do me a favor? If you’re going to cheat, can you cheat with joy? Can you just eat me with joy? Okay, what’s the point? I mean, she was like, what’s the point of you even eating this brownie if all you’re gonna do is complain about it. And I thought about that while I was freezing my eggs. What’s the point of doing this, if I’m not going to do it with some joy, because this was the first thing that I was doing for my future family. And it was an amazingly brave and courageous thing to do.
So I had to give myself shots in the abdomen for about 10 to 14 days. You have to go back to the fertility specialist every day, if not every other day for ultrasounds and blood tests because basically, they are mimicking nature. So they have to measure the size of the follicles that are growing, they have to always look at your blood count to adjust the medication or the dosage should they need to. So it is a process that requires you and your focus to really be there. It’s not something you can do if you’re traveling and doing. You’re going to need these two weeks, you can still go to work. But you’re going to need these two weeks to really say this is what I’m doing and my body needs me to rest. It needs me to pay attention, it’s going to take a little bit out of me.
And so after around the 10th day of injections, I go in, and they indicated that, Okay, we’re ready, you’re at the size that you need to be in order for us to take them to do the retrieval. So with that, they give you what’s called a trigger shot. And you do have to take it home. It’s different for every woman in terms of every case. For some women, it’s in their booty, and it is big, and it hurts and it burns. And it’s not a game for me for where I was that time it was actually another abdomen shot, my trigger shot. And it has to be given at the exact time you cannot mess it up because like I said they’re mimicking nature. And if you don’t do it correctly, then the whole cycle does not work. And so we did it correctly and went to the facility to get the retrieval done and you’re put under anesthesia. It is not a long procedure, but the doctor will put a catheter inside your uterus and basically suck them out. My particular doctor did it in the dark he had a light on a headband light on because he’s trying to preserve them because your eggs live in the dark so he turns out all the lights and does it and I woke up my mom said boomerang you got 32 eggs and I was like girl, nobody got no 32 eggs. I know that is not possible. And the doctor came in and confirmed, you have 32 eggs we retrieved and we’ll let you know how many are viable and successfully frozen. So what happens is after the doctor takes the eggs, the embryologist, y’all, which is the scientist that studies the chromosomes, the size, and all of that the embryologist is the one that actually then goes and freezes them to see if they are viable and will survive the freeze. So most if not all of the time, that the number of eggs that are taken from you will not be the same amount that is frozen, you will almost always lose a few of those eggs. Okay, so that’s something to know. And one of the things that I was also told and taught during that time is if someone gets about 10, or 15 eggs in a cycle, a doctor considers that 100% success rate, meaning they have a good feeling that they’ll be able to get a live birth from that amount of eggs. Nothing is guaranteed because this is potential fertility that you are freezing here. But you’re at least giving yourself an insurance policy. And that is why if someone gets less than 10, they may be encouraged to do a few more cycles so that they can get enough eggs that this actually makes a difference in their life. So that’s how the process goes down?
Eloise Drane
And can we just touch on that real quick? What you just said, it is insurance. Yeah, not a guarantee doesn’t mean that just because someone is freezing their eggs that they’re going to wait until they’re umpteen years old to go have children, or that it’s even going to work but what you’re putting in place is insurance.
Kellee Stewart
Yes, you are putting in place insurance. And for me personally, it is the best thing that I have ever done. Because I did not know I would be in my 40s, single, and without a child. And I have to remind myself sometimes, girl you did freeze your eggs, they are there. And there is a certain piece that I had. And what I will say is not only even though it’s an insurance policy, but it will change your mind. If you are someone that is waiting for a partnership or waiting for your career to be in a certain space. What it did for me is it changed the way I dated because now oh yeah, I got specific because I went through it, I put the shots in my belly, I paid all of this money. So now I’m not dating anybody that I can’t see myself having a child with. I’m not wasting my time with the wrong one and I’m not taking anything personally. Because now my focus is clear about what I want in my life. And I’m not just dating for me, I’m dating for those twenty-nine little frozen eggs and those 29 frozen possibilities. So it narrowed the field for me in a way where God really focused me and now that I’m an advocate, and I’m public about this. Now I know that whether I ever use those eggs or not, they have served a purpose. Because I am talking to women of all colors and ages and countries about their reproductive health. So those 29 little possibilities that I still have are already had I not gone through that, I wouldn’t be speaking to you today. So they have already, they are already paying off.
Eloise Drane
See that? So what would you tell somebody who is 29, who was just really you know, maybe for the first time actually scheduling an appointment to go to a gynecologist, and then to somebody who’s 30 and you know, has been added may be back and forth in relationships and maybe even somebody who’s married but just knows right now is not the time I am not ready for any babies.
Kellee Stewart
I would almost tell them all the same thing. If the 29-year old that’s just scheduling the possible first gynecologist appointment. I would tell that woman to make a journal of her menstrual cycle before her appointment. How many days is it? Is it painful? What color is the blood you get every month? Because your doctor needs to know and you need to know how your body is regulating itself and whether or not it is regular so that you know what questions to ask. I would say, to go online to look up endometriosis to look up PCOS and different things. So you have an understanding of all of the things that women can experience and go through and see if anything triggers you and go, Oh, yeah, I skipped three periods, yeah my hair is thinning, yeah, I’ve gained some weight in the last five years. This is an indication of a polycystic ovarian syndrome.
Let me make sure I bring that up. I would also say for the first-time patient, that if you are not a vocal person, to bring a vocal person with you to ask the questions that you may not know how to ask or forget to ask. Bring an accountability health advocate friend, everybody has a cousin who has a big mouth. Everybody has a friend, that is the one that asks all the questions. Bring her along, so that you get the most out of every appointment. And I would also say to ask about getting your AMH and your FSH and your LHC levels checked. So that you know number one, what they mean is your anti-Mullerian hormone, which gives you an indication of your ovarian reserve meaning about how many eggs you may have left. Now, that doesn’t mean that we understand the quality of eggs. But it does mean that we have an understanding of where you sit percentage-wise in the spectrum of your fertility. I’m 46. I just got my AMH checked. I got eggs in the freezer, I still get it checked. Because I want to know, it is my body to know should I meet my man when I go outside right now about how much time I may have left or do I go straight to the freezer? So just because I froze my eggs does not mean that my responsibility to know what’s going on in my body today goes away. You don’t just put them away and then just say I’m good to go.
You’re better you have some insurance, but you can still be checking on these things and getting these things checked. And then I would tell somebody that in their career or doesn’t quite know what they want to have a child yet I completely understand. I also think that we shouldn’t shame women that don’t want to have children. Not everybody that has a uterus wants to put a baby in it. What we want is coverage. That’s what we want in our uterus. Not everybody wants a baby. But I would tell a woman that’s on the fence to get her levels checked. So she at least can make an informed decision about her time, about what she’s doing in her career, what she’s doing in her personal life and make an informed decision and get the information, get the information that is out there. Ask questions to your employer, if they don’t cover it, ask them why. Talk about it, be a pain in the ass. Because that’s the only way that we’re going to make a solid change. And not just for us before the young women coming after us that we adore and that we love, we have to kick the door in these fertility streets. We’ve got to kick it wider open so that they don’t fight the same fight that we fight so that they don’t learn about PCOS when you know, it’s all the way down the line and they’re panicking because they’re not getting pregnant, but they know earlier how to take care of themselves.
Eloise Drane
And remember that everything that we are doing right now is for our children, our grandchildren, and our nieces. And you know, and even for our nephews, because again, depending on who they are with, it could be also for them. And it really is important for us to remember that it’s each one, teach one. Yeah, yeah, it is each one, teach one. It is our responsibility as this generation to teach the next generation. So they are armed, they are prepared, and they’re ready. And then for them to be able to teach the next generation because the problem that no one is talking about in society is the rate of infertility that people are now experiencing, and this worldwide, quite frankly. It’s not just this country, it’s worldwide. And it’s kind of like well, society, you know, you’re worried about diabetes, and the rate of cancer, and the rate of other things. Why isn’t anybody worried about the rate of infertility that is skyrocketing every single year? And the fact that there are young women now who are trying to be proactive with their fertility and you are not giving them any assistance, and guidance, not trying to help pay for anything, although you’re willing to pay for other things? But you’re not willing to pay for this. It’s time, it is time that society catches up with the world as we know it right now.
Kellee Stewart
It’s time. It’s overdue, which is why when you join this club of infertility that we are in as advocates, why it is like the worst club with the best members. Nobody wants an infertility diagnosis. Nobody wants that. But once you get there, or if you get there, and we hope you don’t get there, but if you ever do, you will realize you are in a club with some of the most resilient people with stories of miracles that you have ever met in your life. And so it is overdue that we get the coverage that we deserve, that we get the care that we deserve. I mean, the mortality rate, black women that are giving birth, the mortality rate of us dying, yes, three times more. And our fetal mortality rate is heavy, y’all there are internal biases with doctors that need to be addressed. There are myths in our own lines that we need to debunk, there’s a lot of work to do. And we’ve got to do it now as you said. Now is the time and when you said that these rates are skyrocketing. People don’t even understand if you heat your food up in plastic in the microwave, look, you’re killing your eggs, girls.
Eloise Drane
I did an episode in Season 2 called the Infertility Epidemic, and specifically went into detail about this plastic.
Kellee Stewart
About the plastic. And women don’t know that. So there are women that are in their 20s that are sitting there putting these preservatives and these frozen foods right into the microwave. And they don’t know that this environmental factor is actually taking away the quality of their eggs that they cannot remake. Once they’re gone, they’re gone. So, this is something that we really, really need to be very loud and vocal about. And thank God you’re doing what you’re doing. Because every ear that hears this, hopefully, is getting blessed with more information and more of a reason. As soon as this podcast is, call a fertility specialist or call a friend or call a family member and say, hey, did you know listen to this, go figure this out for the rest of your life. So we have to take control of our lives and fight this fight and make changes and legislation and insurance and all of these things simultaneously. One can’t wait for the other. That’s right. How are you in your future and get in the fight with us?
Eloise Drane
That’s right. That’s right. And there’s no more that needs to be said after that. So there you go. Thank you so much for coming on, and number one, sharing your experience but then even, you know, just helping educate again, because that’s we need more people to start speaking out and speaking up about what’s going on, what’s happening, and how we, as a society need to do better.
Kellee Stewart
Yes, and we are. And that’s the positive thing. We need to do better and conversations like this part of that better. So I commend you, I salute you. And thank you so much for having me on. And I can’t wait to continue to do more work with you. Oh my gosh, absolutely. Yes. And get these fertility streets popping y’all because we have gone nowhere.
Eloise Drane
No, no, ma’am. No, ma’am. So we’ll definitely make sure to put all of Kellee’s information in our show notes so you guys can go and check her out. And I appreciate everything you do. And thank you so much. I hope you found this discussion helpful as you weigh your next steps. We will love for you to rate us. So if you haven’t yet, go to your listening platform of choice and subscribe, rate, and review this podcast. Five-star reviews are our favorites. You can follow Fertility Cafe on its Instagram and Facebook channel Family Inceptions. We’d also love for you to share Fertility Cafe with friends and family members who would benefit from the information shared. Join us next week for another conversation on modern family building. Thank you so much for joining me today. Remember, love has no limits, neither should parenthood.
Outro
Thank you for joining us in the fertility cafe. Whether you’re an intended parent, a woman considering egg donation, thinking of becoming a surrogate yourself, or a friend or family member of someone dealing with infertility, we’re here to help. Visit our website thefertilitycafe.com for resources on fertility, alternative family building, and making this journey your own.
Listen to this episode here.
