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The Surrogacy Conversation: Tips for Intended Parents and Surrogates

Embarking on a surrogacy journey can be an emotional and complex experience. As an intended parent or surrogate, discussing your decision with others may seem daunting. In this guide, we’ll provide helpful tips for both intended parents and surrogates to confidently approach the surrogacy conversation with family, friends, coworkers, and beyond.

Tips for Intended Parents

Educate yourself: Before starting the surrogacy conversation, make sure you have a good understanding of the process, laws, and terminology. This knowledge will help you answer questions and address concerns confidently.

Choose the right place: Pick a quiet, comfortable environment where you feel at ease discussing your surrogacy decision.

Be honest but set boundaries if needed: Share your reasons for choosing surrogacy and your experiences throughout the process. This transparency will help others understand your decision and empathize with your journey. However, don’t be afraid to set boundaries and only share as much as you are comfortable with.

Address concerns: Be prepared to address any concerns or questions your loved ones may have during the surrogacy conversation. This may include topics such as the surrogate’s well-being, the legal aspects of surrogacy, and your relationship with your surrogate.

Offer resources: Provide your loved ones with resources to learn more about surrogacy, such as articles, books, or support groups. This will allow them to educate themselves and better understand your journey.

Tips for Surrogates

Know your motivation: Be prepared to articulate your reasons for becoming a surrogate. This will help others appreciate your decision and show them that it is well-considered.

Anticipate questions: Those around you may ask many questions about your experience and the surrogacy process. Having thoughtful answers ready will help make the conversation smoother.

Share your support system: Use the surrogacy conversation as an opportunity to let others know that you have a strong support network in place, including professionals, the intended parents, and your own friends and family. This reassures them that you are not going through this journey alone.

Acknowledge emotions: It’s natural for others to have mixed feelings about your decision to become a surrogate. Validate their emotions while emphasizing your own confidence and commitment to the process.

Set boundaries: While it’s essential to be open and honest, remember that you have the right to set boundaries around personal or sensitive topics. Politely let others know if there are aspects of your surrogacy journey that you prefer not to discuss.

Navigating the surrogacy conversation may be challenging. These tips can help intended parents and surrogates confidently discuss their journey with others. Remember that empathy, understanding, and education are key to fostering supportive and compassionate surrogacy conversations. Keep in mind that this is your journey and you have the right to choose when, how much, and who to have these conversations with.

Becoming a surrogate? Check out the latest episode of The Fertility Café for insight from our Founder, Eloise Drane, on how to talk to family, friends, and your employer about your journey. 

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Eloise Drane
Eloise Drane, Founder

"I believe that we are all placed on this earth for a purpose. Each one of us has a specific calling in this world and although it is different for everyone, we are here to serve one another. My purpose is to help women who wish to become surrogates and egg donors and the hopeful parents who wish to partner with them. I feel very lucky to be living my purpose."